The Responsibility of Truth

We should value truth. Being lied to hurts. Recently I found that someone close to me was being a little deceptive or not quite stating the facts as they were. When I found out (and you always do) I asked why. The reason I got back was."This is the very kind of reaction I was trying to avoid so that's why."

In essence I became the excuse. That one is hard to deal with. My strong reaction was not to the facts but to the deception. I think my friend's excuse is also a deception. Only he was deceiving himself now. Whatever our reaction may or may not be, perceived or real, it should never cause someone to lie. I own my response to a situation good or bad, but I can't own the responsibility of my future reactions to be what causes a person not to be truthful.

In other words we all have an inner responsibility to ourselves, to our core, to treat others fairly and honestly. We can't alter this and put the responsibility on the object of the deception. When we are the target of anything less then a truthful exchange we can't in turn allow ourselves to become the cause and effect when another can't own their actions.

It amazes me how people will try to deflect, project, rationalize and do almost anything other then to own their stuff. Sometimes the most refreshing thing I can hear is when a person simply says, "I fucked up". I can start new from there..

News Break

I think we need a year off from the news. Since 2001 we get daily reports of soldiers dying,car bombs, terrorist attacks and other crappy stuff. Since same sex marriage passed five years ago in Massachusetts, we get constant bombardment of legal battles, angry protesters who are full of hate because two people of the same sex want to express their love through the civil right of marriage.

I'm kinda sick of the whole thing. Both issues are important to me but the negativity is wearing. I'm looking forward to a time without a war (wars) and when all Americans have equal rights. I wonder what will be on the news then??

You like me right???

External fear is the basis of performance. Why do we need the approval or notice of others to validate that we are capable and worthwhile human beings. Let's take work for example. My worst fear may be loosing my job. So even though I know I do a good job, have excellent skills and am talented at what I do, I place undo importance on the approval and recognition of others. This is based on fear. If they don't notice me or give some sign of approval, they may think I'm not doing a good job and fire me.

Whenever our well being is based on people or circumstances it is fear based and fragile. It will change as people come and go from our lives and as circumstances change. Happiness or well being that is internally based is lasting. If I can get to the point where nothing can touch my inner worth, my life becomes less pressured,less chaotic, more fulfilling. I interact with the world from a more confident position and am able to achieve more. How to get there is the question. Honest self assessment of who I am and what I want to be is the first step in this journey. Once I can do that I can make the needed decision and take the necessary steps to focus the source of my self worth from external sources to the internal source that is me..

The Gay American

So Prop 8 was upheld yesterday by the California supreme court and I'm not surprised.
In doing so they also affirmed that the 18,000 married gay couples are still married. We now have 18,000 gay married Californians who are uniquely different then both their ST8 married counterparts and the not allowed to marry gay couples. This won't stand for long.

Marriage of course is a civil right in this country. In most states Gay people are not allowed to take advantage of that right. When one group of people is excluded from a civil right, it is called discrimination. To be granted every other right except full civil marriage is still discrimination because it sets one group of Americans apart from another.

The process will continue. It must however continue offensively and not defensively.
When we are allowed to be put on the defensive by our opponents we are taken off message and find ourselves trying to justify who we are. The time for that has past.
Rights must be aggressively sought after. A clue from history will show that rights are never freely handed over but aggressively made to be given to the people pursuing them.

No more shame, no more justification. Now is the time to take the battle to a larger scale and become a force to be reckoned with.

Why I’m not jumping for joy this morning. -Prop 8 - Repost from 11/5/2008

Wednesday, November 5, 2008 at 10:26am | Edit Note | Delete
It’s a bit like the bitter sweet feeling you get on Christmas morning. The joy of the day is tempered by memories or past Christmases and loved ones lost to the passing of time.

I am happy that we can say “President Elect Obama” and that another ceiling of prejudice in my country has been shattered in a way I never thought my eyes would see. I am happy for African Americans as I can only imagine what they are feeling. I am happy for America itself as this change can only represent a new positive direction for my country.

I am deeply saddened by the loss of civil rights in four states for Gay and Lesbian people like me. A defeat in California seems imminent if the current trend holds up. California I think hurts the most because we had the right there and it was taken away.

News reports state that African Americans in all four states overwhelmingly voted to take away the civil rights of Gay and Lesbian as their record turn out also helped Obama get elected. The discriminated voted to discriminate. Gay and Lesbians in essence have been splintered out of the civil rights movement in my country. African Americans are not solely responsible as people of other ethnic backgrounds voted to take our rights away as well. It is however most puzzling and most shocking when victims of discrimination do not empathize with another disenfranchised group.

Let’s remember that marriage in this country is a civil right, not a religious one.
When one group of people are afforded the right and it is withheld from another
it is called discrimination.

I’m kind of angry. I think our community should take a cue from other civil rights movements and realize the time to be passive is over. Rights need to be taken and not passively received. History proves this. We won’t get them without a fight.

Maybe its time to throw some bricks through some windows, to withdraw our financial and emotional support from industries and people who do not support us. To look for the unifying identifiable voice of our community that will get in someone’s face when one of us is murdered like Matthew Sheppard or when our rights are taken away by our neighbors in a manner that they should never have had a voice in.

That’s why I’m not jumping for joy this morning.

More Color Here Please...

I live in Boston MA and spent the day yesterday downtown rediscovering my city after a long New England Winter. I'm amazed each year how the trees fill in so quickly. The trees in the Boston Commons (Boston' Central Park) are already in full bloom and so are the people.

The city had a vibrancy about it yesterday. Stores seemed crowded, parks full and streets busy. If Boston was a human it could tell itself it had a great day.
Of course it's the people who make any city a great or not so great place to live.
Diversity, I think is key to this. As I spent my time downtown I overheard several different language being spoken along with Boston's version of English.

I was wondering today if there is a way to harness the positive energy I felt from the city yesterday? If we create then we can control it and replicate it. On a larger scale it could make the country a more positive place. Think of the sigh of relief that is felt since our new president took office. If we create our day and view the people,the things and the circumstances through a collective desire to make our world happy one day at a time, I think the impact is endless. Spend some time today creating with happy colors and let me know if it makes a difference.

It’s OK

It is hard to be upbeat and positive all the time, isn’t it? There is an underlying pressure present to be happy all the time. We feel wrong when we are not. It would be nice, actually great to be happy and upbeat all the time but if we are truthful, it’s not possible.

We as humans are born with emotions and feelings. Some of those are not happy ones.
Depression, sadness, and anger are all legitimate parts of the human experience. So why pretend we don’t have them or do our best to avoid them? I know they are painful but there are times when that very pain that comes from those feelings makes us feel most real, most alive.

I think real unhappiness comes from trying to be or feel something we are not. I think, I’ve found that when I embrace my present condition, is when I learn a truth the universe
is trying to teach me. Be OK with who you are today or what you are feeling. Use your energy to embrace the state of humanity you find yourself in today and see if you learn something new or gain an insight, you might have missed. It’s all human. It’s all OK.

Peace

Growing Humans

Realize your power. There are people in your universe who's day you can influence. A cross look or missed opportunity to give a compliment or even to say thank you can effect those around us. Indifference is even worse. What might not mean much to us in the midst of a busy day, may carry more weight with those who observe us or model after us. Often we are completely unaware that we are a person someone has chosen to emulate and whom they look to for approval. Take the time to be aware of those in your universe.

The Best Laid Plans...........

It's often the things that are unplanned that make us feel alive. Planning is supposed to be a great skill to have but being rigid about sticking to our plans can suck the joy out of your activity.

Think about this with me for a second. We plan so we will have a good time. When things start to go a little different we can become rigid in trying to get back on track.

What we are trying to do is protect the good time we planned, but are rigidity winds up sucking the fun out of the day.

Sometimes letting the universe have you instead of you having the universe is best.
It can lead to incredible excitement and adventure beyond anything we may have had in our plan. So why fight it? Learning to recognize these times is the challenge and then being able to relinquish control to the unknown, an even bigger challenge.

If we flow with the universe life becomes easier and more fun. Have you ever had a day when you get the job, you get the parking space, something fun come in the mail,
you find the perfect thing on sale and have a great day at work? Those are days when we are letting the universe steer the ship.

Letting go of the wheel is hard but the reward can lead to a new way of creating your day.

Can you drive the train while I read a text on my cell ?

A week or so back in Boston MA there was a subway crash that sent many people to the hospital. As it turns out the driver was texting his girlfriend at the time, ran through warning lights and hit another train. So the MBTA (transportation authority)
banned carrying cell phones for all it's drivers. Initially the union agreed but then switched positions and are against the ban.

Their reasoning is that the drivers may have a family emergency and need to get a call while working. This logic is flawed as that would mean using the phone or reading a text while driving. Prior to cell phones I'm guessing there was a safer way to get emergency messages to the drivers. Perhaps on their radios?

Sometimes it seems that unions have to justify the money they receive from workers by picking outrageous battles to fight. I think they do a disservice to their members and to those of us who would like to be able to count on a safe train or bus ride.

"Death" Film at 11

The dead are always with us because of film and pictures. Long after people die we can see them in movies,TV and on our computers. What does this do to us? I wonder if we ever learn to let go because on some level and in some way we don't have to. Before this technology ,people died and were gone,only living on in memory. I guess the same is true of tragic events like 911. We can watch that day unfold over and over again. In our present world that we have built ourselves,do we ever heal?

Let your worlds touch.

A couple of weeks back I mentioned to a plumber at the hospital where I work that one of our sinks needed a new strainer and leaked a little. I then forgot about it. Trying to get things done in a big hospital is a choose your battles situation. A sink is not on my priority list.

Over the weeks I often would see this plumber in the tunnels under the hospital or on the patient floors and I always took time to say hi to him and ask him how his day was going. Most people walk by workers here and avert their eyes to avoid contact. I decided not to do this and try to acknowledge as many people as I can. Unfortunately it is often the doctors and nurses that are the worst at saying hello to those they pass. I hope they do better in the exam rooms and the operating rooms.

Back to my plumber. This morning he shows up at my office door and he looks all excited. He starts telling me with the broadest of grins that he installed a new strainer in the sink and even put in a better faucet. I sat at my desk thanking him but soon I realized that he really wanted me to get up and go look. Now I’m just back from vacation and my plate is full so it would have been easy to hold my ground but I didn't. I got up and went with him. Not only was I treated to the sight of the new equipment but I got the full demonstration. The best part was the happy grin he wore while going through it.

Sometime we need to step out of our world into the world of another to understand how something small to us may be something big to another. So today both our days were made when our worlds connected.

Adopt the Shy

The shy have something to say.

We had a party last night and one of our very very new friends looked uncomfortable and a bit withdrawn. It seemed like he was trying to be as unobtrusive as possible but being over 6 feet tall it was still difficult for him to blend in among 20 other guests.

I went over to speak with him and found like most, he has thoughts, opinions, beliefs and just some interesting stuff to talk about. Sometimes shy people are mistaken for unfriendly when they are really afraid.

Some of us need a little help to get the social thing going. Go up to a shy person the next time you encounter one and give them a hand out of their shell. It's amazing how they can flourish once they get going.

I'm not sure what causes shy. Perhaps it's afraid of judgement or feeling inferior. Sometimes it takes on it's own life and the longer it goes on the harder it is to overcome.

Everybody has something beautiful to express from their core or something interesting to share. I think sometimes shy is the result of a leftover survival technique during childhood. Whatever the reason, don't forget the quiet person in the group, they might surprise you, they might need you...

Comparing Me to You

Everyone is valuable and no one is perfect. The beauty of a human is often found in our flaws. Often I find the thing I most wish I can change about myself is the thing that others find endearing about me. I fail to see the beauty in my imperfections but some people can see it.

The same I find is true of those I like and love. I'm often amazed to hear the negative things they think about a characteristics or mannerism they have because I enjoy those things about them.

Loving ones self is hard. It's a life long road for some. It is however the beginning of a release from some wrong beliefs we have about who we should be or look like. If we are one of a kind, then should we really compare ourselves to anyone else or our lives to anyone else's life ? I think the answer is no...

Three Years Today

I was married three years ago today. We've been together 11 as of 5/25 this year.
As far as I can tell there is no direct cause and effect relationship between my marriage and any heterosexual's marriage ending. My neighbors in Boston still own their homes, have their kids and their backyards. When we walk into church downtown the ceiling doesn't fall in, in fact we were married there.

So what's the big deal? Why is this such a hot issue that even our President won't acknowledge it as a tempest in a tea post as our Massachusetts Governor did during his campaign. It bother me when people run lukewarm.

I might give a thought or two today to whom we could have possibly hurt by expressing our commitment to each other by taking advantage of our civil right to marry. But I think most of my day will be spent remembering my family and our friends at our wedding three years ago and how much I love my husband...

When did the word "Gay" start meaning "bad"

Having grown up in New York I'm a big Howard Stern fan. This past Saturday his producer Baba Booey threw out the first pitch in a Mets' game. The pitch was horrible and went about twenty feet to the right of the catcher.

So Howard and this guy on the show Artie, spent a good hour and a half making fun of him. They repeatedly used the word "fag" and "gay" to refer to his bad pitch. They goofed on him and said he must be homosexual for throwing like that. I'm a gay man and could have hit the catcher (no pun intended).

Now last week Howard Stern was on a rant about the importance of gay rights. I'm left a little confused today how he could think the language he used this morning is helping anyone who is gay get rights. It made me cringe. If anything it legitimized stereotypes and promoted gay bashing among his listeners.
It got so bad I had to turn it off.

Maybe silence is worse? As some of the New England states have legalized Gay marriage over the past two weeks we have not heard a word from President Obama.
When Iowa made it legal he took the opportunity to say he was personally against gay marriage but respected the state's right to legalize it.

How can our fierce advocate (he promised this during the campaign) be against a civil right applied equally or show no leadership by remaining silent as states vote to make civil marriage legal for all????

Just Thinking

We were driving home from a mother's day visit yesterday. I was the passenger and I turned my head to look at some drivers. More then once I saw the back of their heads while they were talking to their passengers and not looking at the road.
Scary huh?

I think we do too much at once. I'm not sure we're built for the multi-tasking world we've built ourselves.

Be Honest

If I look at my relationships, both successful and not so successful I see a truth.
The ones where I'm honest and direct about my feelings often flourish and the ones where I'm not, are stagnant, sometimes fade and sometimes end.

Honesty is like the bright sun exposing and dispelling the dark or in relationships the unspoken hurt or unintentional offense. It can lead to unspoken needs being fulfilled. Sometimes the truth is a deal breaker and sometimes it is an ice breaker and a healer. Either way in enables forward movement.

Saving time doing the laundry

If you drink laundry detergent, bleach and water it will ooze through your pores and wash your clothes while you’re wearing them, particularly on a hot day when you sweat a lot.

Thought and Creation

Not Real

We have no power over our world. We are at the hands of faith or God’s whim. Our destinies are set in stone.

Real

“Thought is cause, experience is effect”. Imagine your higher power or the universe as an infinite source of creative energy. Imagine yourself as a conduit of that energy.
All thoughts are creative in nature. Either negative of positive ones. Ever been thinking about something and in a day or two it returns to your world? That is experiencing the effect of your creative thought.

I’m not saying you can create a million dollars out of thin air, but over time you can think and create the environment that might make it possible. We all have a powerful source of energy that for the most part goes untapped or accidentally used but hardly ever focused.
Think of the possibilities in your own life and the impact you might have on your circumstance and your part of the world if you begin to sharpen your use of thoughts as a creative force. Remember when you do so and you experience the result of that thought, it is a cause and effect relationship of you using your creative energy to impact your reality.

Are we Enemies?

Not Real- ever villainize a person you don’t even know. You’re aware of them but you concoct this whole thing in your head based on a look or a brief interaction you may have had with them. You’re convinced they don’t like you and are a bad person.

Real-You take the time to meet them or meet them by chance and find out their decent human beings, like able, and you were wrong. Maybe you find out the reason for a glance you interpreted as a dirty look or that they didn't hear you when you said hello. Or maybe they had also villainized you and everyone learned something….

When People Die

It occurs to me that we may ignore people while their still with us. I think we figure they will always be around so we don't appreciate them and their unique contribution to our world. Time seems endless to us but it's not.

I think the death of Beatrice Arthur made this clear to me. Sometimes I get interested in an old time star's work after I hear they died. I check out their movies or plays and I'm left wishing I discovered them when they were still alive.

I think we do this with family and friends too. It might be a good idea to remember or rediscover someone in your life today as we realize that endless time is Not Real and time ending is Real.

The Swine Flu, what else!

What’s real- There is a virus going around that is at the moment, no more or less deadly then any flu in a regular flu season.

What’s not- This is the worst and most deadly flu ever and you would be stupid to not panic and start running through the streets aimlessly screaming, “The swine flu is here, the swine flu is here.” This is the option the media would rather have you do.