I understand how you feel. It is a hurt you can’t escape from. You feel dirty, like there is something very wrong with you. It’s hard to look at people. When they look at you, you think they all know. Maybe your parents don’t know yet, maybe they do and have tossed you aside. Maybe you just can’t tell anyone but really need to tell someone who you are and how you are feeling, but there is no one you think you can trust. It seems like it won’t get any better. You are so frightened and so depressed you barely have enough energy to think. When you do, you think of killing yourself to stop the pain. In your head, you feel guilty for being different, dirty and ashamed of who you are. You feel like a disappointment to those who love you. You need to end the bad feelings, the attacks from others, and the pain of who you are. Your scared of ending your life but more afraid of continuing it.
I know how it seems,but I also know that the depth of the pain you are in is clouding your judgment. It does get better. You are not alone. There is help for you. Most importantly there is nothing wrong with you. You were born as you are and meant to be as you are. You are a jewel that is misunderstood. You don’t need to go it alone; you don’t need to end your life to stop the hurting.
There are people like myself that have been through what you are feeling and have made it. We want to help you. We care about you. We love you. When you are through the worst of this, look around. You will see us marrying in more and more states until it is the law of the country. You will see us out in the open in all professions. You will see us celebrate who we are with the friends of our community. Sadly, you will still see those due to ignorance who hate us, but you will see their number decrease. When this moment passes you will see hope,if you just STOP and call out for help.
Take a look at the Videos on the YouTube,”It get’s better project” site - http://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject . The videos are made by Gay people like you and I, and our friends, to show you that there are many people who care about you, who have been through what you are living through now. They want you to know that it will get better, we do care, and there is help. You are not alone.
There are people like us, Gay people, waiting to help you at the Trevor project. Their number is 866-488-7386, their website is http://www.thetrevorproject.org/. I know it is hard to love yourself right now, but love yourself enough to make this one phone call. I promise you it will help and this moment will pass.
I promise you that people care about you and I know that you are loved. Please make the call.
MT
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I'm really glad to see good people like you speaking up, Michal.
ReplyDeleteAnd I've heard that Trevor is one of the few LGBT orgs we have that lives up to it's mission statement and helps people.
But we have more than a few orgs & leaders who don't care, and who contribute to this and other problems we have, and it's time we weeded them out.
I have a friend in Chicago who leads a pretty good life these days. But 25 years ago, Chaz was a homeless teen prostitute & molestation survivor. Both he & his brother languished on the street for six years while numerous gay orgs ignored their pleas for help.
Please visit Chaz' website:
www.Chazonator.com
On his home page, you'll see a link to I Was a Teenage Prostitute, a blog in which he shares his story and urges us to mentor our youth.
Read the comments to that blog carefully: there are several from Truth Wins Out founder Wayne Besen, who mocks both Chaz' past, and mine.
Further down that same comments section is a troll post from someone claiming to be my ex--I suspect that it was Besen who impersonated him, even though this has nothing to do with the subject of Chaz' post.
So here we have Chaz, a former homeless teen prostitute, sharing his story, asking us to take care of our kids so they don't end up as he did or worse. And here we have Wayne Besen, coming to that blog post and making a mockery of it, with no regard for Chaz' feelings or the issue at hand.
In the light of this rash of suicides, we can no longer afford to enable a phony activist like Wayne Besen or his circle of enablers.
Our kids are lonely and hurt. Some of them are dying. They need as many safe havens to turn to as possible.
They need leaders who'll nurture & love them, not fakes like Besen who'll mock them.
Thanks very much, Michael for posting this. Everyone who is in that dark place needs to know that there is light, that there is help.
ReplyDeleteWe've been there, which makes it all that so much more painful to know that younger versions of ourselves are in such pain.