Without Comment - July 30, 2010 Edition

“Everything Possible” – Fred Small

We have cleared off the table, the leftovers saved,
Washed the dishes and put them away
I have told you a story and tucked you in tight
At the end of your knockabout day
As the moon sets its sails to carry you to sleep
Over the midnight sea
I will sing you a song no one sang to me
May it keep you good company.


You can be anybody you want to be,
You can love whomever you will
You can travel any country where your heart leads
And know I will love you still
You can live by yourself, you can gather friends around,
You can choose one special one
And the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done.

There are girls who grow up strong and bold
There are boys quiet and kind
Some race on ahead, some follow behind
Some go in their own way and time
Some women love women, some men love men
Some raise children, some never do
You can dream all the day never reaching the end
Of everything possible for you.

Don't be rattled by names, by taunts, by games
But seek out spirits true
If you give your friends the best part of yourself
They will give the same back to you.

You can be anybody you want to be,
You can love whomever you will
You can travel any country where your heart leads
And know I will love you still
You can live by yourself, you can gather friends around,
You can choose one special one
And the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done.


MT

(Everything Possible sung by Roy Bailey on YouTube. - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUBc6-keVIQ )

"Without Comment" - July 22, 2010 Edition

"If I Should Lose My Way" - by Jack Murphy & Frank Wildhorn


As we turn our lives
Down this complicated road
If you need a hand to hold
I promise you
I will be your friend
Through whatever life may send
And I know that you will be there too

If I should lose my way
Along this road we share
Please bring me home, come-what-may
If I should lose my way

When the wild wind blows
And the rain begins to fall
I will find you through it all
And comfort you
But as we move on
Should you turn and find me gone
Then just rest awhile, I'll be along If I should lose my way
Along this road we share
Please wait for me, come-what-may
If I should lose my way

Day after day,
Never let the sun go down
'Till love is found once more

If I should lose my way
Along this road we share
Please look for me, come-what-may
If I should lose my way

Please look for me...
If I should lose my way

Linda Eder singing "If I should Lose My Way" - http://vodpod.com/watch/537264-if-i-should-lose-my-way

“How To Screw A President 101”

In the United States we are approaching what is called a “midterm election”. It is called this because it comes near the halfway mark of a President’s term. It is largely looked at as a referendum on the President’s performance and policies. The thinking is that the voters will re-elect to the senate and congress, candidates from the President’s political party if they think his policies are working and his job performance is good. Of course the reverse is also true. If the electorate thinks the President’s policies are not working and his performance is weak, they will elect candidates from the opposite party or not come out to vote. In a country so divided by partisanship as America, it behooves an incumbent President to keep his voter base engaged and on board by fulfilling the promises he made to them while running for office.

After the failed Bush Presidency, political and social policies, the country voted for economic, political and social change. Viable Presidential candidates such as Hillary Clinton were swept by the wayside in favor of Barack Obama’s vision of change. Both the African American and GLBT electorate, traditionally supportive of Hillary Clinton, abandoned her and supported Obama, becoming a major force in electing him to the Presidency. President Obama finds himself in a quandary with the Gay community as the mid term elections approach.

Barack Obama made several promises to the Gay community. The major ones are the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT), the passage of the Employment Non Discrimination Act (ENDA), and the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). As of this writing, he has failed to deliver on any of these promises. DADT remains in effect and the Obama administration continues to permit its enforcement. Gay soldiers continue to be prosecuted and discharged from the military under the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. Lives and careers are ruined as we say to our Gay soldiers it is OK for you to die for your country but not to be truthful about who you are and who you love. By executive order, President Obama can stop the discharges today while work continues on the repeal of DADT. He has chosen not to. His convictions and ability to stand up for them in the face of bigoted adversity do not match his words. Talk is cheap, but actions show the true measure of a leader.

ENDA is still not law in this country. Gay men and women continue to loose and be denied jobs, and endure harassment and discrimination at the hands of coworkers and employers because they are Gay. The President continues to promise the passage of this legal protection but fails to act and bring pressure upon the congress to pass this bill. The passage of ENDA requires Barack Obama to push it as a priority with the leadership of the Congress and Senate. He has failed to do so despite a controlling majority in both legislative bodies by his own political party. Here again talk is cheap but actions are revealing of this Presidents ability to lead.

There has been no movement on the repeal of DOMA due to the Obama administration’s actions. In fact the Obama Justice Department has defended legal challenges against DOMA on several occasions, once with a poorly written legal brief containing homophobic language. The President claims that his administration is legally obligated to defend the law even if its official position is that it should be repealed. Not so Mr. President, as there is legal precedence for a Justice Department to not defend laws that are ideologically against the administrations policies and felt to be discriminatory.

In the past few weeks the state of Massachusetts successfully won a ruling stating that the major part of DOMA is unconstitutional as it does not allow a state to define marriage as it sees fit. The ruling was made by a Federal judge. The loosing side was Obama’s Justice Department that had again defended DOMA in federal court. Obama often says that same sex marriage should be an issue for the states to decide, but when one of the states legalizes same sex marriage and wants the right to provide same sex couples with all the state and federal benefits of opposite sex couples, Obama’s Justice Department fought against it.

The Obama administration now has a mess on its hands as it approaches the midterm elections. Having failed to take a strong stand on Gay issues as promised, it has been able to keep these important social issues from playing a key role in public opinion regarding the President’s performance and policies. With the court’s ruling in the Massachusetts case, it has thrust the issue of same sex marriage to the top of the list as an issue in the midterm elections. If Obama’s Justice Department does not appeal the decision it is political fodder for the right wing in a key election year that could determine control of the Congress and the Senate.

If the Obama administration does appeal the Federal court decision, the President will further alienate the Gay community. A community whose patience has come to an end due to his inaction and or inability to fulfill the promises made to it, a patience that has been lost over the continued discharges of Gay soldiers and the administration’s continued legal defense of DOMA. In alienating the Gay community, Obama has put our vote in play and thereby the control of the Senate and the House, as well as the future of his own Presidency in the 2012 election.

Barak Obama is in danger of loosing control of the Legislative branch and of becoming a one term President presiding over a failed Presidency. He finds himself in this predicament due to broken promises and a lack of courage to spend the political capital to advance the issues important to his Gay voter base in the first two years of his Presidency.

As we see more and more countries like Canada and Argentina legalizing same sex marriage, America is dimming as a beacon of freedom and equality. It is loosing its credibility as the force behind human rights and life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as a God given right. While the Bush presidency was no friend to the gay community, it was viewed as the last of the old guard, passing away. We saw the Obama Presidency as a signal that “Change had come to America” and this country would regain its credibility as a human rights leader. Instead our continued decline under Obama not only alienates the Gay community it continues to fracture our position as a world leader and our reputation in the world community. Barack Obama’s self inflicted damage has harmed us all. To whom much is given, much is expected.

How do you screw a President? In Obama’s case he screwed himself by failing to rise to a moment in history that called for strong leadership in newly defining the meaning of Human Rights, Equality and Civil Rights both in he United States and on the Global stage.

"License To Be Mean"

I often wonder why people are so mean to each other. I spend most of my week at a hospital. There seems to be sub groups of people who think it is OK to ignore people in different potions than their own. Most everyone talks to me. Some because of what I do and some because I talk to them. I prefer the last group because the first won't talk to everyone, just the ones they think they should talk to, or can benefit from. I talk to everyone and get something from most I speak with. When I see people ignore someone they perceive of as being part of a lesser station in life, but speak to me, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed for the condition of a human being who thinks they are better than another and I'm embarrassed that an ignored person might group me with them. I hate the look of shock I see on some people when I talk with them. It means they have been ignored by some at the hospital who feel they have license to do so, and have come to expect it. It makes me sick.

It does happen to me sometimes too. Today I was in a meeting with one of our Vice Presidents. The other participant in the meeting showed up and introduced herself to me. I reminded her that we have met and see each other at least twice a year but she stuck to her story about not knowing me. So I put out my hand and introduced myself anyway. She refused to shake my hand saying, "there's no need for that, if we already met." The better part of me wanted to verbally devastate her, but in my mind she already made herself look pretty bad, so I left it alone and continued with the meeting.

It's experiences like the ones above that also ground me. I'm reminded to not be a self important ass myself. I tend to get tunnel vision when I busy or on a mission and sometimes forget to acknowledge people I'm breezing by. Today on the way back from my meeting I saw one of the hospital plumbers who worked on one of my locations about a year ago. He was waiting at the elevator I needed to get on. As I approached him he put his head down. I said hi to him and we talked until I got off on my floor. It was a mood changer for me as I was able to find some good in my experience with the lady who had just been rude to me.

I just don't understand mean and why we feel it is OK to inflict it on others. This is one of the few times in life that I'm happy not to be able to wrap my mind around something.

MT

“Without Comment” – "Something Inside So Strong" - July 7, 2010 Edition

“Something Inside So Strong” – Labi Siffre


The higher you build your barriers
The taller I become
The farther you take my rights away
The faster I will run
You can deny me
You can decide to turn your face away
No matter, cos there's....

Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

The more you refuse to hear my voice
The louder I will sing
You hide behind walls of Jericho
Your lies will come tumbling
Deny my place in time
You squander wealth that's mine
My light will shine so brightly
It will blind you
Cos there's......

Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

Brothers and sisters
When they insist we're just not good enough
When we know better
Just look 'em in the eyes and say
I'm gonna do it anyway
I'm gonna do it anyway

Something inside so strong
And I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

Brothers and sisters
When they insist we're just good not enough
When we know better
Just look 'em in the eyes and say
I'm gonna do it anyway
I'm gonna do it anyway
I'm gonna do it anyway
I'm gonna do it anyway

Because there's something inside so strong
And I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

Because there's something inside so strong
And I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong


(The Flirtations singing “Something Inside So Strong” on Youtube - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK1BoGI5KZw )

“I Could Have Said Nothing.”

Below is a re-post of my article on how my husband and I were interacted with in an Emergency Room at a hospital in Boston Massachusetts. Following the re-post is a letter from the hospital that is the conclusion to the story, and what I believe is an outcome that will make it better for the next same sex couple that walks into the emergency room of this hospital.

I often write this, but it is worth repeating, activism is each LGBT individual’s responsibility until we have full equality under the law. In many ways an individual’s willingness not to settle for second class citizen status in their everyday life, as they go through life, has a greater impact on societal change than the bigger actions that capture media attention.

The next time you find yourself in a situation similar to mine you have a choice to let it go, or seize it as an opportunity to make life better for your LGBT brothers and sisters.

If you are LGBT and happen to visit Faulkner Hospital and are treated respectfully, please remember this article, and remember, I could have said nothing.......but really I had no choice.

MT


Re-Post

“Due Diligence or Discrimination?”

I live in the state of Massachusetts. Same sex marriage is legal here and has been for some time now. It became law in 2004. I have been married since 2006. Most heterosexual people think the battle for equality ended then in my state, it didn’t. It didn’t end anymore than desegregation ended the battle against discrimination for Black Americans. I often tell my heterosexual friends who tell me they can empathize with me, that it is a nice sentiment, but unless you walk in a Gay man’s shoes you can’t really get the full picture of our lives.

This past weekend is a good example. Two things happened that were troubling to me.Both minor events, but they go to the bigger picture. A friend was traveling to Provincetown on the ferry and updated his Facebook page about his trip. There were straight couples with kids on the boat and he and his partner got a few disapproving looks from one of the woman. He updated his wall page by complaining that if people are not going to be accepting, they should not be on a ferry to Provincetown, which of course is one of the Gay Mecca’s of the United States.

The stare itself is disturbing, but it didn’t end there. One of his heterosexual friends criticized his update by saying, “Tolerance works both ways” My issue is the word ‘tolerance”. As I commented on my friend’s page, tolerance implies that you are putting up with something wrong. You tolerate a mosquito bite, you “accept” a human being, and I’m sorry it does not work both ways. We have very few places in this world were Gay people are the majority. Places where we don’t have to modify some system or form of entertainment made for a heterosexual world. We demand acceptance when we are in one of those places that we are the majority. If you can’t accept us in these places, than you don’t belong in our neighborhood and should stay out.

The second is more personal. I had to bring my husband to the emergency room for an illness this past weekend. The intake nurse was rude to me as I tried to answer questions for my husband who could barely speak. At one point she asked him if it he wanted me to leave. This was after we told her we were married. We both let her have it, helping her to adjust her attitude. After they took him back to get him settled I was asked to register him. I answered many questions. Finally I was asked what our relationship was. I replied married and got ready for the next question. The intake person paused, raised her eyebrow and asked, “Legally married”? My initial response was yes, but then it sank in so I asked, “Would you ask that question of a heterosexual spouse who stated they were married”? I got back some mumbo jumbo about having to do, due diligence for legal reasons. I told her that was not a good response so she just moved on.

This morning I called Massachusetts General Hospital and Brigham and Women’s Hospital here in Boston to inquire about their intake policy regarding relationship status. All agreed that the intake person should have stopped when I said we are married. They went on to say this satisfies due diligence. They further stated that if they were to go further, they would have to start asking everyone for a copy of their marriage license and this is not feasible in an emergency. This morning I spoke with patient relations at the hospital I took my husband to. The representative seemed genuinely embarrassed, apologized and told me what action would be taken. They will have the staff person’s manager call and apologize to me later today.

Some may say I’m making a big thing out of nothing. I say my responsibility is to make things better for Gay people who come after me and I feel as if I helped do that today. My point about people thinking Gays have it made in Massachusetts is this, everyday our lives as Gay people require us to adjust and or correct those around us. It is wearing. In the emergency room a heterosexual married spouse would have been free to “just be” concerned about the condition of their spouse. As a gay man, as a Gay married couple, we were not afforded that right. The fight for equality does not end with signing a bill into law. However, it does begin a new front in the war as it gives us the legal support to challenge everyday discrimination. Without equality laws in place we move from a goal of acceptance to a world of tolerance. Been there, done that, won’t go back.

MT

(Click on letter to enlarge)

Tomorrow, a follow up to ,“Due Diligence or Discrimination” ?

MT